Random Act of Kindness

It was -14 degrees (not including the wind chill) this morning as I stood at my bus stop waiting to go to work. A city police car pulled up and the officer asked if I would like a ride.  I told her that I was going to campus and she said that she couldn't take me all the way there, but she could get me a lot closer. I thanked her and said there should be a bus along soon. She said she'd drive by again in a few minutes, just in case.

This was the most amazing thing. It made me so glad that I had decided not to skip work today because of the cold because I would have missed this experience. The bus did come about two minutes later and all the way to work I was feeling the warmth of this small act of human kindness.

When I got to work I just had to tell someone so I stopped in the office of a co-worker and after comparing notes on the weather I told her about my experience. She said that was great and then proceeded to tell me her tale of being dropped off at the door by her husband ("chauffeur" she called him) because he was a teacher and school had been canceled. Okay, that was nice - but he's your husband, you know? My story is about a cop - a stranger to me - a cop - kindness - you know? Amazing right? "Well, maybe not so much", I thought and went about my business for the day.

When I got home I was still a little glowing from this experience so I told my wife the story. She immediately questioned if they had been told to do this. And then she went on to fill me in on the other news of the day. No big deal in the grand scheme of things, I guess.

I don't know about you but I thought this experience was uplifting and inspiring. I thought it proved that individual acts of kindness are possible (and quite common) - that there is still goodness and charity in our world. Our society has become so cynical, paranoid, and narcissistic. We all live in constant fear of others or that others will steal our stash. This experience made me feel really good about the world in which I live. And that, in turn, made me feel good about myself. I liked that feeling - however naive - and I will continue to use it to re-enforce my beliefs.

Maybe next time someone tries to do something nice for me I'll just keep it to myself.

Mom's Song #8

We made the trip up to my sister-in-law's memorial a couple weeks ago. This was my older brother's wife and over the years she had become like a second mom. I will miss her. I know that my bother misses her desperately. She had cancer and it won.

My mother and I used to write letters. She was a great letter writer and to her it was an art (she was an artist - in her spare time). We rarely talked on the phone and she taught me by example (and through practice) how to write a letter. I missed this when she died.

My sister-in-law loved to write as well and she sort of took up where my mother left off. We wrote often and I will miss this.

When my mother died I wrote this for her - and now I read it for my sister:

Mom's Song #8
By Stuart Baker

So - how do I do this?
So why do I try?
The basket is filling;
the pen running dry.
The words keep on coming,
but their meaning is wrong.
So who do I write to
now that you're gone?

So what happened to wit
and humor so dry?
The words either to die
on the page where they lie;
or they drone on, and on, and on, and on ....
Who do I write to
now that your gone?

The eyes of the beholder,
when they're gazing back,
can inspire beauty
where talent is slack.
(at least that was the road
you were leading me down)
But when those eyes close
does the beauty go on?
So who do I write to
now that you're gone?

[Sing the following ]
But  who's gonna finish the story;
with ending yet so far from view?
'My Life and The Times',
though none of it rhymes,
would still have been music to you.
( musical break)

[back to spoken ]
So - I guess I'll continue;
just in case you were right.
Just in case there is value;
not just in your sight.
But just so you to know it -
so you don't get me wrong -
it's you who I write to
even now that you're gone.

[Sung]
It's you who I write to
Even now....

Happy New Year

These days the mornings are cold and dark here in Wisconsin, and there's snow covering the bike paths and the bike lanes are narrowed by snow banks at the side of the streets. This, along with my work schedule, makes it hard for me to get to my coffee shop in the morning to write these posts. This morning I woke up early ( and didn't hit 'shooze') so I caught the early bus and layered against the -10 degree temp (not counting wind chill) and made it to Peet's for coffee. 

Continued good reports from the various medical proddings and pokings, combined with some personal success in managing my new bladder has helped to make this an extra special season.

Since that neprhostomy was removed from my left kidney, my urologist wanted me to have a blood test every month and an ultrasound every three. I believe this was to insure that we didn't miss any problems with my remaining good kidney. Last month my ultrasound showed that the swelling of the 'bad' left kidney had gone down significantly and the 'good' right kidney still looked just fine.  My Creatinine level had continued it's recent drop - to 2.1- which is lower than it's been for some time. All this good news prompted my urologist to change my schedule back to 6-month scans (they'll call me).

And on the management front, I have been struggling with night-time continence problems since the surgery. This has improved steadily over time and now it seems that I may have vaulted the last hurdle. I have spoken many times about the feeling before I go to bed that I needed to pee but not being unable to do so - no matter how much I strain, press, bear down, bend, and grunt.  My doctor has mentioned that some folks do some sort of self-catheter. I have taken a different tact. I have found that it's more a matter of finding the right relaxation technique than applying more force (I have also wondered if all this pressure creates reflux problems in the kidneys). And these techniques need to be different in the evening than in the daytime. I wonder if it's because I usually sit and watch TV for a couple hours before bedtime and this re-organizes things down there so that other things press against those tubes (things do move around down there more than they did before the surgery - I can feel it). Regardless, I have had good success with some of these techniques and it has made all the difference in making it through the night - dry.  Yes, these are little triumphs but they make the start of each new day just a little bit brighter.

Happy New Year.


 

Just Another Day

Just another day

When I got home from work the other day, my wife asked me if I'd been thinking about this day. My heart stopped for an instant as I scanned my memory for something I'd missed: anniversary, birthday, valentines day, sweetest day? No, none of those. Then she said that it has been three years since my surgery. Hmm, so it has. How about that. It seems like so much longer ago than that. 

What an amazing and miraculous thing that was. Not only did that surgery save my life but it gave my life back to me to the extent that such a day has become just another day. Isn't life great!

PS. I do remember the Thanksgiving Day following that surgery. When my family gathered that year we had so much to be thankful for. I will remember that day again when we gather this year - right along with all the other days that we've had together - and give thanks. 

Good news

Blood test results: 

My last visit with my urologist he removed the nephrostomy and informed me that my left kidney had - for all practical purposes - shut down. I expressed deep concern for the welfare of my remaining good kidney and since he shared this concern, he scheduled me for monthly blood tests to assure that my levels (creatinine, pH, Sodium, Phosphate, etc.) remain stable and withing acceptable ranges.

The first of these tests - last week - confirmed that all levels are stable. My creatinine has dropped from 2.5 to 2.3 (the lowest it's been for a year). My urologist calls this stable. When my level rose to 2.5 he was quick to point out that a one or two point change is not significant and could just be 'noise'. But I take this as significant in that the 'noise' has gone down and not up.

A deep sigh of relieve can be heard all throughout our household.

On Powerlessness and Power.

The Serenity Prayer comes to mind.

Maybe it's a logical side effect of coming out the other end of a personal trial (like cancer, loss of a loved one, tragedy (personal or witnessed), or other loss) is to feel a loss of power over our world - our existence- and to try to take some of it back.

I retired 5 years ago. This summer I volunteered to help out a friend; to cover for him at his job while he went out of town for a month. He's the IT guy for a department on campus and summers are very quiet so it wasn't that big of a deal to cover for him. This is something he does every year so everyone works around the break (and I'd done this kind of work for 20 plus years so I wasn't worried.) I basically sat in his office for about an hour a day and monitored the servers, networks, backup systems and answered any questions and fixed any problems. Well, one thing led to another - word spread - and now I'm working part-time for a different department on a 'permanent' basis.

I don't really have time for a job but I decided to do this because it gives me an excuse to get on my bike every day and ride the 5 miles from my home to campus. Yes, there are other reasons but this was high on the list. I want to keep in shape because -- well because I can.  Fitness is something I still have control over. Fitness and diet are proven ways to keep healthy and keep everything working.
Before I retired I made this bike trip every day and it kept my body strong and in good alignment. After recovering from the surgery, I tried to ride that route at least 3 times a week - I even gave myself little rewards for the effort. But It seems like other projects would steal that precious time away and I'd be lucky to average one ride per week. 

I was surprised at how hard it was to ride every day. I had really gotten out of shape. It seemed like my strength and endurance were shot. I was wondering if my weak kidneys were causing this or perhaps my thyroid condition (which only hit last winter). Some days it was really a chore to make this trip.  But after a month of so of riding to this new job, the fatigue wore off and now I ride easily again. Some days it's a little rainy or if I am just tired and I think about taking the bus. But then I think, "Well, I'll just get on my bike and take it easy today." Before long I find that I'm riding hard and feeling just fine again. I have gained a little more power.

I was reading the paper one morning before I decided to accept the offer of this new job. There was an article about how people who work longer tend to live longer and have significantly less trouble with memory loss and early onset Alzheimers.  This made sense to me and, at the time, I saw it as another way to take back some control. Another reason to give this job a try. Another power that I can possess.

My new job is very challenging. It has certainly forced me to organize my thoughts (and memories) once again. I have been away from IT (information technology and information systems support) for over five years and that can be forever in "IT years". I have been surprised at how many bits and pieces of information where dangling at the edges of my consciousness and on the verge of falling forever from my memory just waiting - it seems - to be snatched back in the nick of time.  I still know how to ride this "bike" but some of the familiar paths have become strange and some of the trusted shortcuts over-grown. But I now have Siri and Google to help guide me (as well as a number of old friends - who have not yet retired). So the ride back - though it has not been easy - it has been pretty smooth.

So when all is said and done, I believe I have been able to wrest back some control over the circumstances of age and fate - mind and body.  It may all be an illusion but I believe it has given me power over my little world. And that belief, in itself, may be enough.

I'm sorry..

A slap in the face.

There are times in our lives when we deserve a good slap in the face. Maybe we made an inappropriate comment or we insulted someone and it took slap or a punch to put us in our place. Like when Sir John Gielgud slapped Dudley Moore in the movie Arthur - "You spoiled little bastard." he said, "You're a man who has everything but that's not enough...."

Yesterday I got an email from my sister-in-law. They have found two large masses in her lungs. Because of her severe COPD they can't even do a biopsy. They think she has a year to live.

I guess it's not my party.