First and foremost, I'm not whining! If I sounds like I'm whining please slap me. I'm posting the following for information only and in no way am I less than completely thankful for what I have.
Going to bed used to be the reward for making it through another day.
It was a welcome escape from the work and worry where I could shed all the
aches and pains during the night and awake refreshed and renewed. It was
something to look forward to. Now it is something to dread.
What will happen when I close my eyes and drift out of consciousness?
Will I wake up in an hour drenched with sweat? Will my pads and
underwear be heavy and soaked with urine. Will I need to struggle, half
asleep, and change the sheets. And how many times during the night? I remember these nights when our kids
were little. I remember trying not to be mad and trying to be
supportive because I could imagine how embarrassing it was for them. I
don't need to imagine any longer. I now know this embarrassment first
hand. No, I don't look forward sleep - not like I used to.
Night sweats:
These lasted for about four months from the time of surgery. I believe they are psychological residuals of the sedatives given during the surgery. Perhaps my subconscious reliving the pain it 'felt' during the surgery - even when my conscious mind was asleep and oblivious to the traumatic pain. These sweats were very frustrating because I would wake up, shortly after going to sleep, completely drenched with sweat. Sheets, blankets, pillows, and any night clothes were also soaked with sweat. It didn't seem to matter whether I had covers on or just a thin sheet. These night sweats only lasted about four months and I was very glad when they finally stopped.
Bed wetting:
(Copied from Calendar/Journal for April 2, 2011)
"Nights are still hard. I'm not getting the night sweats anymore but I still have to wake up every two hours or so to pee. The hard part is not so much the waking up - I'm used to waking during the night - the hard part is getting up. Don't roll over and go back to sleep. It's amazing how easy it is to rationalize laziness when you just want to get back to sleep.
"And once I do get up and go to the bathroom, it's harder to pee. There doesn't seem to be anything there unless I really push (sort of like standing up). And If I give up and don't go, I seem to just go when I get back to sleep and then I wake up with a wet pad. More fuel for the rationalization process.
"If I do go, the stream is not very full so it's hard to feel it. I usually don't have my hearing aids in so I can't hear it. So it's hard to tell if I'm going AND it's hard to tell when I'm done. With this new bladder the act of peeing is a process of alternating between pushing (bearing down with diaphragm muscles) and relaxing (either sitting up or leaning forward) until no more comes. So you can see where this might be a problem.
"Also I think gravity plays a larger role in this whole process than it used to with the old bladder. When I'm laying down, things don't work as well as when I'm upright or sitting. The Neo-bladder doesn't fill up in the 'normal' way so it may not respond to attempts to drain it. Or maybe it falls under the whole continence issue. Maybe whatever my body does to "close the drain" while I'm awake doesn't work when I'm sleeping so the bladder never fills.
Working on it:
I take heart in the fact that the night sweats have stopped. I believe that the problems I'm having with contenence will improve with work. And my body may 'learn' how to control some of these things with time. There are a lot of 'new' things going on in there, and my mind (concious and subconcious) has to resolve these changes and continue with the healing process. Our kids had new things going on and they're minds and bodies figured it out. It just took a little time, and a little patience.
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