Monday, August 30, 2010

Chemo: Week 4 - concerned.

As I approach the end of week three and beginning of week four, I am a little bit concerned that I'm not doing as much as I should be in fighting this cancer. I feel great. I am doing everything I would normally be doing (and more). 
 I feel great but people with early stage cancers do feel great so I take little comfort in this. I am healthy and strong ( and feel fully recovered from the ill effects of the chemo) and I have to assume the cancer, which is part of me, has recovered likewise.
A friend who has gone through this told me that for cancer patients chemo becomes like a security blanket. That would explain some of my concern. My blanket is missing these past two weeks. As much as I hate the feeling, it is comforting to know we're fighting the fight. It's a star to which we can hitch our wagon.

Three things I can take out of this week:
  1. I recover pretty quickly from the side effects of chemo (at least the ones I can sense). This is reassuring since after two more cycles I will have to recover for surgery. 
  2. I was able to umpire some baseball games ( those not rained out)  that I wouldn't have been strong enough (or it would have been too dangerous) to do under chemo. 
  3. I will be able to cuddle the grand kids all this weekend. This would have been dangerous with low immunity during chemo and I beyond my energy and strength (nearly so even when I'm healthy) without this break. 
I'll take these three things to the bank and save them up for next week when I get my blanket back and I need some warm, soft, memories of beautiful, smart children who are full of energy and life. Like Frank Barone said; " Smell that?", as he sniffs the grand kids heads; "That there's the fountain of youth."

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